The Fear of Caring

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

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By: Denell Nawrocki, MA

How many times have you heard the phrase, "Humans are innately good".?
How many times have you witnessed good deeds occur?
How many good deeds have you participated in?
How many times have you thought of doing a good deed,
​but ignored the thought/pull/desire to?

For me, the answers to those questions vary- and the answer to the last one rather high.

There have been more times in my life than I can count on my fingers and toes where I found myself in a situation where I could have done good or right by someone or something, yet chose not to.

The initial heart-impulse that told me, "Give that woman some money", or "Pick up that litter", or "Smile back at that person", or "Stand up for them", or "Give that person a compliment", became shut down and sequestered by a mind-impulse of fear and self-consciousness.

"Someone else will", or "I'm too busy", or "This is MY money", or "They will think I'm weird" take over, and like a dog with its tail between it's legs, I retreat and change course. 
​
Depending on how deep the heart-impulse went determines how long afterwards I will think about my choice and usually internally lament. ​

Why did I do that?
What didn't I do that?
I could have.
​I should have. 
Why did I stop myself?
What would have happened if I made the other choice?

Were they someone/ was it something that would have caused me harm?
No
Was it taking time away from something crucial?
​Something more important?
No.
​Then why did I stop myself?

I stopped myself because I was afraid of the other.
I stopped myself because I was afraid of the good I have inside myself.

I stopped myself because I was afraid of LOVE.

It seems to me that in our Western culture, we have become conditioned to fear and violence. It is far more normal and 'safe' for us to live in a perpetual state of fear and disconnection. We have been conditioned to think that open-heart connection and Love for Life and the World is not normal and should be something to fear. 
​This is backwards- and we can change it.

As humans, we have IMMENSE capacity to give Love and to receive Love.
In fact, our heart has a mind of its own!
The heart contains some 40,000 neurons ('brain cells') that can sense. It is a transmitter and receiver of literal heart intelligence. 

When we feel those heart-impulses, it is actually our heart-brain sensing how it can be of service in the situation, essentially filling a vacuum created by negative, low-vibration energy of someone or something in caring need. Nature abhors vacuums, and those heart-impulses are clues as to how to fill it with Love- ultimately  raising the vibration of the situation or experience.

What it would be like if we followed those heart-impulses
instead of running away from them in fear?
How would your day change if you listened to the heart-brain and not the mind-brain?
How would your relationships change?
How would the world change? 

The truth is that we DO all have the capacity to care ALL THE TIME.
We CAN care without it being detrimental to our own lives, and in fact would most likely improve it.

We do have the ability to listen to the heart in every moment, be aware of the low-energy vacuums surrounding us, and do small actions to fill them.

Caring doesn't have to be some grandiose thing, it can be as simple as giving the person who needs $0.50 more for the bus fare, or picking up that paper cup on the ground, or putting a hand on someone's shoulder when they are upset.

​So the next time you feel that soft heart-impulse, I invite you to take a risk and follow it.

Even if you feel scared or self-conscious. 
Especially if you feel scared and self-conscious.

It could be exactly what YOU need.